Welcome to Bangkok
The taxi driver from the airport seemed fairly normal when he picked me up. A little casual conversation and the general introductory questions. As soon as we arrived near my hotel though the ol’ munchkin quickly mutated into a freakish troll.
He slung the back door of the car open causing a raspy screeching sound from the hinges. Head first, the little bastard dove into the back seat with me and grabbed onto my balls before screaming, “Ladyboy’s everywhere! Get you a ladyboy!”
I sprung myself backward falling out the door on the other side and into the road. I heard a few chuckles from around me but only meticulously noticed the little hobbit driver circling around the other side of the car with my bag in his hands and still raving about ladyboys. I shoved a one-thousand baht bill into his little sausage fingers and snatched my bag.
Getting onto the sidewalk I had to step over a little boy with some kind of wild disfigurement in his head. It was swollen up to the size of a watermelon with dents and bulges coming out of every direction and an older lady in a long purple bathrobe screaming in prayer on her knees just beyond him. I couldn’t walk around him because the sidewalks were so chaotic and the only opening of space was going right over his head.
Stepping over his head kinda felt like a fucked up version of walking across the freshly mopped floor when you were a kid hoping your mom doesn’t notice you so you walk with big, long strides like you’re creeping over booby traps.
I got onto the sidewalk and the people swung past and around me in all directions. The only thing I could really see or focus on now was the big wooden table that sat diagonally to my left. It was a plumply little Middle Eastern man with just buckets of dildos swinging around in all sizes and colors.
Right then I heard someone far off in the distance scream, “Welcome to Bangkok!”
ESL Wild 